Yesterday we had to visit QFG for three pretty important appointments. The nurse, the psychologist and the sperm donor coordinator.
First up was the fertility nurse; she was really friendly and welcoming. She talked us through the artificial insemination and IVF process, how each cycle will work and all the costs involved. It only went for about half an hour but was pretty informative.
Next up was the dreaded session with the psychologist. Over the last week or so I had really been preparing myself for whatever was to be thrown at us during this appointment. I was nervous but at the same time I was ready. We had been warned that questions such as “How will you explain your family situation to your child” or “Why are you choosing an unknown donor? Have you considered using a family member of your partner instead?”, “How will you tell your child about the donor?” etc. We had the answers all ready to fire off with confidence. Turns out we had been stressing for no reason. Though when he did first come out to call us in, I couldn’t help but think how this old man, with his high waisted slacks, patterned green socks and his pasty white skin, looked as if he may belong to an unfriendly church. I guess this is precisely why I should never judge someone on appearances. He was professional but still friendly and the whole hour felt like more of a general parenting session than anything else. It was great. We talked about the age at which children start asking questions about where they come from, whether they have a dad and the age appropriate responses. Although he had advice, throughout the session he maintained that as parents it was completely up to us as to how we handled these questions. One thing he was really passionate about was how important it was that we never refer to the donor as Dad. This has always seemed obvious to me but over the past few months when talking to people they have referred to the donor as exactly that – Dad. It was getting to a point where not only was it infuriating but I was beginning to question myself. He told us that it was also important to make sure our family and friends are onboard with the donor being called a donor. It was something we hadn’t thought of before. Even though both our families are supportive of us starting a family, they may not realise how important it is to us that we are our own family unit. Our family will have two mums instead of a mum and dad. Simple.
After that we had to meet with the donor coordinator so she could get us registered. It was pretty straight forward really. We get a login, password and a run down on the local and overseas sperm banks they’re affiliated with. This was a surprisingly short appointment of about 30 minutes. We hadn’t even reached the car park when I received our donor program login details. So I’m sure you can guess what we did as soon as we got home. Let’s find us some sperm!
So that’s us for now. Will update very soon with our donor searching adventure!