Should we be keeping this a secret?

There is only a very small handful of people that know we are trying to start a family. For this reason I suppose it may seem strange that we have this blog in existence for anyone on the Internet to stumble across and read. Yet we keep the details written on here a secret from almost all members of our families/friends circle, including my own parents.

We both felt pretty strongly about waiting until I was around 3 months pregnant before sharing the news with everyone else. I personally still kind of feel that way. The question is though, should we be keeping this a secret? Will people be hurt or offended that we kept such important news to ourselves?

I had a coffee date with my mum today, which is actually a pretty rare event. We don’t catch up anywhere near as much as we should. My mum is a busy lady and we’re both a little slack in organising coffee dates. It’s quite a contrast to the relationship that Candice has with her own mother. They talk on a daily basis, sometimes 3 – 4 times a day. Anyway, during coffee my mum drops the question that she often does – “so when are you going to give me a grandchild?”. For some unexplained reason I slightly panicked and said “Seriously? Jeez, I don’t know.” This then led into a conversation that I’m almost certain ended with my mother under the impression that I never want to have kids. How did that even happen? The whole time I was sitting there with the knowledge that I could very well be pregnant right now. If she knew, I’m pretty sure she would feel a little hurt that she has been left out.

This made me recall the 3 main reasons why we decided to keep it from most people.

  1. We aren’t sure that everyone would be 100% supportive and don’t want any of the associated negativity that may come with that.
  2. We didn’t want any added pressure or expectation that I would manage to get pregnant quickly.
  3. We are quite a private couple and there is something legitimately warm and fuzzy in keeping this to ourselves.
The last thing that we want to do is hurt or offend anyone but at the end of the day, it’s really up to us who we choose to tell. If, at the end of the week, the pee stick shows a positive result we may even be so excited that all our plans of waiting 3 moths to share the news go completely out of the window. If not, I still know my mum will be deliriously happy when she does eventually find out and I’m sure she will quickly forgive the secrecy. In fact, she may even understand why we chose to keep it that way. She can be pretty awesome like that.
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One thought on “Should we be keeping this a secret?

  1. We told our families way too early! We were still in our 6 month waiting period for our known donor so didn't have anything to tell but kept getting asked how it was going.
    It was good to have people who didn't know so you don't have to talk about it all the time (even if I was thinking about it all the time!)

    Like

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