Single line again

I took a test 2 days ago and as I had expected, it was negative. 
QFG closes over Christmas and since that’s when I’ll be ovulating it means this month is out. I guess 2013 just wasn’t our year to conceive but hopefully 2014 has big positive changes for us.
In January we start IVF. We have to make an appointment with one of the nurses at QFG so she can run us through the whole process and make sure that we know what every step involves. Then an appointment with our fertility doctor to run through the new schedule that I’ll be on.  I’m quite nervous at the thought of IVF as I’ve heard it can be both physically and emotionally draining. Candice is a little worried I think. She asked me the other day if I was definitely sure that I was wanting to start it next month. I’m sure that I want to but I can see why she is concerned. I have already been quite emotional the past few months and she may be worried that with all the fertility drugs I’ll be taking that I might not deal with everything so well. I’m done with artificial insemination though. We have also used up all of our chosen donors sperm and have opted for a new donor. I had mixed feelings about this as I had grown quite attached to the child I had imagined in my head. I know this sounds stupid and childish even. As much as I tried though, I couldn’t stop picturing us with this baby born purely out of my imagination. We requested more sperm from the same donor but then when we were told it was available for purchase Candice suggested that maybe a change of donor could be a good thing. I let go of my silly attachment and we chose a new donor. The new donor has the same colour hair and eyes and the first donor but is a few years younger. The new donor is 10 years younger than we are. It’s odd to think about but it’s definitely a good thing. The younger the sperm, the stronger they are!

You may not hear from me for a few weeks. Mid January is when we start IVF so until then I doubt I’ll have much to say.

In the meantime merry christmas and a happy new years to you all ❤

Quick update

As I mentioned yesterday, we went in for the 2nd insemination. Candice had to leave work early and meet me at QFG to pick up the spermy goods. We then had to walk down to the specialist office with the vial safely nestled in my bra. I have to admit it feels a little unusual defrosting sperm against your left boob walking through Spring Hill. We decided to embrace the oddness and even ducked into a side street for a quick photo while we were waiting for it to thaw out. If a pregnancy actually comes from this insemination attempt, I suppose you could call this our first family portrait. I know it’s a bit gross and weird or whatever but this whole path that we are trying to navigate is a bit strange. So, if we want to hold sperm up to our faces and smile, we will.

Apparently I have a tricky cervix. I wish I didn’t as it means the doctor has to keep readjusting the speculum and yesterday is took about 4 to 5 goes for her to get it on the right angle as well as deep enough. It hurts quite a lot. Poor Candice was holding my hand and I think I may have been squeezing too tight. She hadn’t eaten lunch yet and says there was a point when she thought “Oh no, I think I’m going to faint”. Turns out I have quite a bit of strength in my hands.
I think Candice is planning to provide me with some sort of stress ball type device if I’m ever in labour. By the look of her hand I’d say that it’s probably a smart idea.

Insemination number 2

It’s Monday morning and in a few hours I’ll be off to QFG to collect the semen that will hopefully give us the family we are hoping for. Though I must admit I am even less convinced that it will work this time around.

When I called the clinic on day 1 of my cycle, instead of telling me to go for blood tests on day 11 and 13, I was told to go on days 12 and 14. It wasn’t explained why but I’m guessing there was a reason. When I was called on the afternoon of day 14, I was asked to go back in again for another blood test between 7 – 9am on day 15. Due to a miscommunication however, I didn’t realise this until the afternoon of day 15 by which time I had missed the blood collection opening hours.  I was pretty annoyed and upset that I would probably miss ovulation for this month. Candice suggested I text the specialist and see if we could just go ahead with the insemination the next day anyway. She replied saying that she was unable to do an insemination without seeing my blood test results first. She said to just go in on day 16 for the blood work and hopefully it wouldn’t be too late. 
So yesterday Candice and I headed into the city nice and early to ensure there was no way I was going to miss this stupid test. Both of my arms are bruised where the veins are from being pricked but I’m getting pretty used to the whole blood collection centre now so I don’t feel as uncomfortable as I did the very first time I went there. I got one of the nurses I liked so that was a relief.
Afterwards, Candice and I decided to stay in the city for breakfast and I was secretly wishing for a phone call from the specialist telling me to head on down to her office for the insemination right there and then. Unfortunately there was no call until that afternoon, by which time we were already back home. The good news was that she told me that it didn’t look like I had missed ovulation for this month and that she could do the insemination the next day – today.
I’ve had to call my work this morning to let them know that I’ll be late. I would love to call in sick and not go at all but it feels like I’ve had quite a bit of time off lately. The last thing I want is to get on the bad side of my employer. They don’t know about any of the fertility stuff that I’m doing and I would rather keep it that way for now. 
This insemination will use the last of the sperm we have in storage at QFG. I spoke to the donor coordinator about accessing more from our chosen donor and she is looking into it. At this point though she isn’t sure if anymore will be available. If that’s the case Candice and I will have to go through the donor program and try and find another donor we like.
So 2 weeks from now I guess I’ll take a home pregnancy test. Fingers crossed.