4 weeks and 5 days!

It certainly doesn’t feel like I’m almost 5 weeks pregnant. Probably because I only found out that I was pregnant 4 days ago. It’s strange how they work out how many weeks you are, from the start date of your last period. Feels like cheating to me.

So far I’m just really tired. I’ve been sneaking in little naps here and there which is extremely unlike me. I also have really ouchy boobies and over the last few days I’ve been feeling ‘hungover’ when I first wake up. The hungover bit seems pretty unfair to me. Luckily it only lasts until I eat something then I feel fine.

Candice and I are already quite healthy eaters but now that I’m paying a little more attention to my body I’m trying to make even more effort. The problem I’m finding though is that there is a lot of contradicting advice out there on what I should be eating and what I should be avoiding. Cheese for instance – I already had a general idea of which ones were bad but some articles say feta is fine, others say it isn’t. Is paneer a soft cheese? Can I still eat haloumi (pretty please)? Ive also read that it’s important to eat full cream dairy products for the calcium but a booklet on pregnancy foods I was given from QFG says to eat low or reduced fat varieties. I should be eating 3 serves of fish a week but avoiding those with a high mercury content. So many rules. On a daily basis I’m limited to 1 espresso OR 4 instant cups of coffee OR 4 cups of tea OR 4 cans of soft drink. Are they really trying to tell me that tea is BAD for you?! I suppose all these rules are just guidelines.

Apparently at 5 weeks the baby’s heart forms the 4 chambers and it starts beating. Our bodies are amazing and I’m kind of blown away that this is all happening inside of me right now. Candice has one response when I mention these things to her – “Weeeeird”.

Our little poppy seed is getting closer to the size of a sesame seed this week. Sometimes I sneeze and actually worry that Ive done damage to it. There is zero logic going on in my brain.

We have our first scan booked for the 6 of March when I’ll be 7 weeks. We’re really excited but I’m also pretty nervous that something may happen between now and then, resulting in a miscarriage. I know I shouldn’t think like that so I’m going to make a huge effort to only think positive thoughts over the next few weeks.

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It worked, it worked!!

 

After the longest 2 weeks in history, today was the day I could go in for the pregnancy blood test. I arrived at about 8am and asked the blood collection nurse how long until the doctor would have the results and she said about 11am. That’s THREE whole hours I thought. I’m a lab technician myself so the rational side of me should have appreciated how reasonable a 3 hour turn around actually is. But I didn’t appreciate it all! The next few hours were slow. Then I actually began to dread making the call in case it wasn’t the news I wanted. Finally at 11:31 with a push from Candice I called the doctors office.
Receptionist with the irritatingly calm voice: “Shauna, congratulaaaaations. You’re pregnannnnnt.”
(seriously she drags out every second word in a very low and creepy calm voice)
So there you have it! Pregnant.
Hands down the BEST valentines day present we have ever received!
Our little embryo hung in there. What a champ.
We aren’t silly and are well aware that there is still a 20% chance of miscarriage over the next 3 months but for today we won’t be thinking about that. Today will be filled with excitement, stomach butterflies and maybe a few happy tears.

Here is a home pregnancy test I’ve provided as a little show and tell ;-P

 

Feeling blue

It’s 6 days post embryo transfer which means implantation should have happened by now. I suppose there is no way to know if it has stuck or not until I have the blood test next Friday but Candice and I both have that sinking feeling that it hasn’t worked. I didn’t get any implantation spotting or cramps. Nothing.

It gets really hard to stay positive all the time.

The only thing I’ve noticed in the last couple of days is my over the top craving for chocolate and tender breasts. Unfortunately, these are the exact symptoms I get every month about a week before my period is due… which happens to be next week.

It’s has become really hard to focus on anything else but getting pregnant. Never, in a million years, did I think it would be this consuming. I really resent the control it’s having over my emotional wellbeing and that lately I have to remind myself to be happy.

I think what I am finding the hardest is that it is completely out of my control. In the past when I’ve wanted something there was always a way. I could work my ass off for it. I could save money for it. I could sweat for it. I could sacrifice for it. Hell, even sometime I could use charm to get it. This is different though, there is nothing I can do. It’s either going to happen or it won’t.

And that scares the fuck out of me.

The waiting game has now begun

As I mentioned in my last post, ‘egg pick up’ was scheduled for January 28th. I made a plan to wake up early this day so that I could have breakfast before beginning the fasting for 6 hours. I hate being hungry!

We arrived at the hospital 20 minutes early to account for us getting lost and confused about where we were supposed to be. We didn’t have any trouble at all and I was admitted at about 1pm. I said goodbye to Candice and they took me up to level 4 to meet the anaesthetist and get changed into the ever so flattering backless gown and hair net.

I was a bit nervous but felt a lot more at ease when our doctor came to chat with me. I’m not really that comfortable with her, I think it was just because it was a familiar face in a sterile environment. A few minutes later she led me into the theatre room which to me seemed unnecessarily HUGE. A nurse helped me onto the table and they all (about 7 people) chatted casually about the traffic that morning while I was silently freaking out. Then the scientist dude came in, confirmed my name and date of birth (about the 10th time someone had asked me that day), and asked me how many eggs we were going to be collecting that day. I replied “um, 6 or 7 I think” while nervously darting my eyes back and forth between him and that one familiar face, our doctor, in the room. Then he flashed me the warmest and most comforting smile I had seen that day and wished me good luck. It actually helped a lot. The anaesthetist came in and put the drip into my hand, the nurse put the oxygen over my face and I was pretty relieved that soon I would be completely unaware of what was going on.

An hour later I woke up in the recovery room where a nurse had a look to make sure I wasn’t bleeding heavily and that there wasn’t any significant pain. I felt sleepy but besides some period type cramping I felt fine. I was discharged at around 3.30pm after I had eaten and been to the toilet without any drama. Before we left the nurse told us that a total of 6 eggs had been collected and that I would need to call my doctor in the morning to find out how many had fertilised throughout the night. I was also given a months supply of pessaries which I need to take morning and night. I’ll be the first to admit I had no idea what a progesterone pessary was before this whole IVF process started. They are used in women undergoing fertility treatment and the purpose of them is to help prepare the uterus to receive and maintain a fertilised egg. There are 2 types I need to take. The morning one is a gel that gets squeezed in there and the other is a little waxy bullet shaped one that you insert at night. Unfortunately both can be quite messy. I realise a lot of this might be a little too much information but the whole reason I started this blog was to document everything. Before I started writing on here, I really struggled to find many lesbian baby making blogs that weren’t just all rainbows and sunshine. I do plan to write down all the gritty information because it’s our real life and obviously it’s not always going to be pretty.

Candice drove us home where I crashed out on our bed for an hour or so. When I woke up the stomach cramping was a fair bit worse but I would definitely still call it mild. Some panadol and a hot water bottle helped a fair bit.
The next morning I called the doctors office to get the verdict on how many fertilised eggs she had to work with. All night I kept having bad dreams that there were none so I actually felt really sick while I was on hold. However, I was relieved to find out that 4 out of the 6 had actually done their job and that embryo transfer was booked in for 8am Friday 31st. Best birthday present ever! The whole week I had been waiting for something to go wrong and now it all seemed to be going to plan. The next morning though I had a missed call and voice mail from our doctors office asking me to urgently call them back. There were many thoughts running through my head but the one on top was that they were calling to inform me that all my embryos had died. Turns out they just wanted to move the embryo transfer from 8am to 8.15am. Seriously receptionist, what is wrong with you?! Why didn’t you mention that in the voicemail so I could avoid the tears and the uncontrolled shaking of my hands as I dialled your phone number? So everything was back on track, though I guess technically it was never off.
Friday morning we were up early to avoid traffic and once again arrived a tad early. Candice was allowed to come into the theatre room this time so she also had to get dressed like a fool though she had the privilege of wearing underwear. 
Once we were taken into a small theatre room, the scientist came in with our embryo chart and told us that all 4 were doing quite well but we had 1 that was a ‘text book’ perfect embryo! That one was clearly the winner and obviously the one we would be transferring. Our doctor put in the speculum (fucking ouch) while the scientist went into the lab in the next room to collect the embryo. We made some small chit chat at this point which was a bit awkward. Finally the scientist came back with our embryo inside a long catheter type tube and quickly put it through the speculum and that was it! All over. I think we were only in that room for a total of 7 minutes. We couldn’t leave until we got the all clear through the intercom that the embryo was definitely not still in the catheter tube. It was all a little funny and strange waiting in silence and then hearing a very serious voice come through the speakers, “all clear here”. I was then discharged again and told to call the lab in the morning to find out if the other 3 embryos made it though the freezing process. Candice called the next day and got the best news; all 3 had been successfully frozen! It’s such a relief to know that if this month fails then we have 3 more before I would need to start a fresh IVF cycle. I still have bruises on my stomach from the last round so I would love to avoid having to do the injections again. 
So that’s where we are at right now. I won’t be able to take a home pregnancy test as the fertility drugs will give me a false positive result so I have to go in to QGF and have a blood test. We would find out the results the same day so at least it won’t be a long wait. The date our doctor would like me to do this is 2 weeks from the transfer date – February 14th. It would be the sweetest thing for us to find out on valentines day that we are going to be parents. I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again – please cross everything you have for us.