Feeling blue

It’s 6 days post embryo transfer which means implantation should have happened by now. I suppose there is no way to know if it has stuck or not until I have the blood test next Friday but Candice and I both have that sinking feeling that it hasn’t worked. I didn’t get any implantation spotting or cramps. Nothing.

It gets really hard to stay positive all the time.

The only thing I’ve noticed in the last couple of days is my over the top craving for chocolate and tender breasts. Unfortunately, these are the exact symptoms I get every month about a week before my period is due… which happens to be next week.

It’s has become really hard to focus on anything else but getting pregnant. Never, in a million years, did I think it would be this consuming. I really resent the control it’s having over my emotional wellbeing and that lately I have to remind myself to be happy.

I think what I am finding the hardest is that it is completely out of my control. In the past when I’ve wanted something there was always a way. I could work my ass off for it. I could save money for it. I could sweat for it. I could sacrifice for it. Hell, even sometime I could use charm to get it. This is different though, there is nothing I can do. It’s either going to happen or it won’t.

And that scares the fuck out of me.

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