Must be love

I asked Candice a question today.

Do you feel like you love the baby already?

She replied explaining that she feels attached and knows it will be instant love when he is born.

I knew exactly what she meant. Up until today that’s how I had felt – attached. I suppose if I had actually stopped and thought about it then I may have reasoned that of course I loved this unborn baby growing inside my belly.

But something has happened. At 5 months, perhaps it’s because everything seems more real but today I realised that I have fallen in love with this baby of ours. Head over heels. I had this revelation in the most mundane of situations. At work, while performing routine analysis, I felt him moving. This triggered butterflies in my stomach, an involuntary smile and my heart to quicken. It’s love. Pure and simple. Strong and intense.

Whatever attachment/love I was feeling before can only be described as mediocre in comparison to how I feel now. I can’t wait for Candice to meet our baby and experience this crazy feeling.

You always hear parents talk about that whole love at first sight when they meet their baby. How it’s so intense because it’s just not something you could ever experience with another person that you’ve just met and know absolutely nothing about. To be perfectly honest it always sounded so smug to me. But here I am, confessing these feelings of utter adoration for a being that hasn’t even been born into our lives yet and I can tell you that the last thing I feel is smug.

What I actually feel is terrified. What if something horrible were to happen to him? At 23 weeks, the chance of him surviving if he arrived now would be 17%. Have a look at the table below.

His chances increase quite a lot over the next 4 weeks so I figure if I just curl up in a roll of bubble wrap for the next month then everything should be fine. In all seriousness though, I really need to be careful when crossing roads or driving. Experts say that ‘baby brain’ isn’t real but I’ve been doing some very stupid things. Trying to reverse with my car in drive, putting things in the fridge that don’t belong there, attempting to drive without the keys in the ignition, standing at the entrance of our house and pointing my car key beeper at the front door and I’m also pretty sure I went through a red light yesterday. I could have sworn the lights changed to green but none of the cars in my rear view mirror followed… so now I’m not sure. 

That bubble wrap solution is looking pretty good right now.

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