Hello, third trimester!

We’ve made it to 28 weeks! I have a feeling that time is going to absolutely fly by until we reach the due date. The baby’s movements have become much stronger and rather than just feeling the kicks and rolls, we can see them. My belly turns from being a perfectly round ball to some kind of warped shape depending on how he positions himself.

This morning I had the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT). As previously mentioned I needed to fast for 12 hours before the test. That was probably the hardest part. I’m fine with needles so the 3 blood tests were a breeze though my arm is pretty bruised now. When I arrived at the blood collection clinic the nurse first took a sample of blood. I was then given the glucose drink that I had heard so many awful things about. It was about 300ml of clear liquid that contained an equivalent to 15 teaspoons of sugar in it. It was hard to finish but wasn’t unbearable. I came prepared with a book as I was told that I wouldn’t be allowed to leave the clinic until the test was over. Lucky for me, the nurse was lovely. Since I live 2 minutes drive from the clinic, he said that if I promised him I wouldn’t eat anything and that I would be back in exactly 1 hour for the next blood test then I could go home. So instead of sitting uncomfortably on the itchy chairs in the waiting room I got to go home and watch Harry Potter from a comfy recliner while I waited. I went back an hour later for the 2nd blood test and then again an hour after that for the final blood test. I won’t know the results until my next appointment with the OB next Tuesday but fingers crossed I don’t have gestational diabetes.

In other news, with the help of Candice’s Dad, we have started work on our backyard deck! It’s something that has been on our renovation wish list since we first bought this house and now it’s finally happening. All it took was realising how little time there is left until the baby is due. We figure that if it didn’t get built now then chances are it won’t happen for years. At 6m x 7m it’s going to be HUGE!

Here is where it’s up to at the moment – hopefully the decking timber can go on next weekend.

Other little projects have included decorating plain white onesies and painting/hanging the geometric shapes above the cot in place of a mobile. See pics below.

Lastly, another little sneak look at the nursery. I rearranged some furniture to accommodate a rug we bought and it feels much bigger in there now. Can’t wait for it to be finished.

Now that we’re in the 3rd trimester, we have started thinking more about having a baby shower. I think it will be a pretty small event. We don’t know too many people who like baby showers and don’t want anyone to feel obliged to attend so our guest list is pretty short. There’s 6 more weeks until I’m on maternity leave so I think we will have it around early September sometime. Candice has started work on designing the invites and I think they are super cute! There isn’t much else on my mind right now, so I’ll leave it there.

Oh, one last thing I forgot – the baby has started getting hiccups! I first noticed them a week ago and since then it’s been happening almost everyday, sometimes a few times a day. Only lasts a few minutes but it’s a bit cute.

26 weeks and 2 days!

I’m nearing the end of a 4 day weekend and today I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for work tomorrow. I have really enjoyed the last few days just pottering about the house and taking a break from doing much of anything. I would say that health wise, I’m doing pretty well and have thus far managed to avoid catching a winter cold/flu, hooray. It doesn’t make much sense but after a day of doing nothing I can feel so exhausted that my eyes are stinging and my body feels really heavy. Not everyday, just some days. A few other complaints – same old lower backache, I am incredibly thirsty all the time (no matter how much water I drink), and heartburn. I didn’t even know what heartburn felt like until a couple of weeks ago but I quickly decided it’s a pain in the ass.

In 2 weeks my OB is sending me off to have the glucose tolerance test. I haven’t heard great things about it but hopefully my experience won’t be too bad. For the 3 days prior I need to make sure I’m eating carbs in every meal and then for the 12 hours before my appointment I can’t eat anything. All the test involves is drinking a very sugary liquid, a urine sample, a blood test. The whole thing takes 2.5 hours though so I’ll have to remember to take a book. I’ve heard that the drink can make you feel nauseous and that it’s not uncommon to vomit. However, if you do end up throwing up, you have to come back another day and do the test all over again. Fingers crossed I can keep the drink down for the whole time I’m there.

We’re still working on getting the nursery furniture painted so we can put together the cot and make the room actually look like a nursery. It’s already my favourite room in our house.

There are only 14 weeks to go now! My belly has become so firm and it’s strange and awesome all at once. Below are a few photos taken recently.

Week 26 belly photo
Luna loves giving my belly hugs
Made some geometric shapes out of straws for the nursery. They just need to be painted red then we plan to hang them above the cot in place of a mobile.
Candice with my adorable nephew at a family picnic. 
How I spent a winter afternoon at home.
Yet another belly photo and a sneak peek of the nursery so far.

Thoughts anyone?

I would say that out of our circle of friends, about 80% of them are lesbian/gay. Of that 80% only a couple have expressed any desire to one day have children and at the moment no one in that queer circle currently have children. To be honest the only friends we have that are now parents, happen to be a cute husband and wife team that I’ve known since school. I know if we have any general parenting questions they will be a great source of knowledge, given as it’s all so fresh for them; and I’m really grateful to have that. 
There is one concern however that keeps popping up in my mind lately. I’ve been vaguely worried about the absence of other gay families that our son would perhaps be able to identify with. Is this an issue? Is it even important? Not being a child of gay parents myself, I really don’t know the answer. What are your thoughts on this subject? I am aware of how resilient kids are and that up until a certain age issues such as race, gender, sexuality, etc are non existent in their perfect little minds. People are people and that’s all there is to it. Not personally knowing any other gay parents means that we don’t have anyone in our situation that we can look to for certain parenting advice which sucks a little.
A couple of weeks ago a lesbian couple that we are friends with shared the exciting news that they were attending a QFG info seminar. We could hardly contain how excited we were at the thought of them having a little baby. As far as I’m aware at this point they are really just looking at their options and process that is involved, but still, it’s pretty big news! Realistically it could still be years before we have anyone in our queer circle of friends that make the leap into parenthood so for now we will have to make do with the internet. We are slowly trying to establish connections with other gay families from all over the world and even some within the walls of Brisbane. I’ve been looking on Rainbow Families but unfortunately it doesn’t really get updated all that much and there doesn’t ever seem to be anything in the events calendar. Blog land has been an amazing source of stories from lesbian couples in our situation and everyday I’m finding more.
I can’t wait for it to be the three of us! There are lots of kicks and flips coming from my belly now, it never seems to stop for long. Candice says that even in the middle of the night when she puts her arms around me she can feel him dancing away in there. I have been getting more and more exhausted at work but I’m hoping it’s due to a growth spurt that the little dude is having and not an indication of what the months to come will be like. Afternoon naps are quickly becoming a ‘thing’.
Candice is enjoying her new workplace and really likes all the people which I’m relieved about. I would hate for her to work a job she hates just because she felt the pressure of having to be the sole income earner for our family while I’m on maternity leave. Speaking of maternity leave, I only have 8 more weeks to go!
Two weeks until the third trimester starts. 


Donor decisions

When you’re in a lesbian relationship and you decide to start a family together there is something you can’t avoid. Sperm. Specifically, donor sperm. Try as you might, a pregnancy just won’t happen without it.

I suppose there are 3 main options. You could use a:
Known donor – such as a friend or a family member of the partner not wishing to carry; or an
Anonymous donor – someone unknown to both of you and who refuses any future contact; or an
Open donor – someone that is anonymous to both of you but legally agrees to accept contact from the child once he/she turns 18 only if the child decides to do so.
In the past the idea of a known donor had been an option but after a lot of thought we decided it wouldn’t work. Candice and I are a family and we want to be the sole parents of our child. I think raising children will be difficult enough just with 2 people trying to work together to make the big parenting choices and having a 3rd or even 4th (if said donor is in a relationship) person involved could very easily become messy and complicated. It really depends on how involved the known donor wishes to be. Does he want to be called Dad or be known as a family friend or uncle? How often does he want to see the child? Will he be involved in any parenting decisions? How do you begin to draw up a legal document like that? Using a known donor brought up so many questions and fears and in the end it just didn’t feel right for us. I have seen this work for other couples though so I think it really just depends on what you are looking for.
Using an anonymous donor was never really something we wanted to do. Which I suppose is lucky as once we started looking more into the use of donor sperm in Australia we found out that it’s not actually legal. Any donor sperm must be from either a known donor or an open donor. All the donors available on the QFG sperm program are open donors.
So as you have probably guessed by now, we went with an open donor. It was undoubtably the best fit for us. Our children will have 2 mums that will make every parenting choice as a team and together we will provide all the love in the world. If when they are 18, they decide they wish to know more about the man that did a wonderful thing by helping make our baby dreams come true then they have that option. If not, then they simply don’t have to make contact, that choice is up to them.
I had been wanting to write this post for a while but have been afraid that someone reading may take offence to it and think that I’m saying that one way is better than other. That’s the last thing I want as I really do believe that it depends on your own personal circumstances. Every relationship is different and what works well for one couple may not be the best option for another. If you and your partner don’t agree on which donor path to take I would definitely suggest to take a step back and wait until you are both on the same page. Speaking from experience, you both need to feel 100% comfortable with it. One thing is for certain though, it’s a huge decision and if something doesn’t feel right for you then it most likely isn’t, so go with your gut.