It’s been almost a week (though feels like a lot longer) since the transfer. I had the entire week off work in order to ‘take it easy’ but of course the downside to that meant that my mind wasn’t distracted from thinking about whether this transfer will work or not.
Symptoms are hard to identify because the progesterone mimics all the usual early pregnancy symptoms. I’ve been really tired, feel bloated and have had tender breasts for the last day or so. I’ve also been experiencing intense anger over things that would usually just annoy me. Like, if someone cuts me off when I’m driving I end up shaking with anger which is really unlike me. I’m also crying at silly things as well so I guess I’m having PMS type emotions but a bit more crazy.
A few people have asked if we will be doing a home pregnancy test before the blood test and the answer is yes. I just don’t know when at this point. What I told Candice is that I don’t want to be squinting at the test trying to work out if we can see a faint line or not. If it’s going to be positive, I want it to be clear and obvious. I’ve been looking online and it seems that at 9 days post 5 day transfer, if there is going to be a second line, you’ll see it by then. If it’s negative though, I won’t want to test again and will just wait until the blood test on Friday.
I’m back at work from today so at least the week should go fast.
Please let this work.
Yesterday morning we were on route to the hospital for the embryo transfer. With morning traffic it takes about 45 minutes so we figured we would be fine but what we didn’t account for was being held up by an accident. When the highway came to a stand still after only 15 minutes on the road, I updated my Maps app and saw that it had added almost 90 minutes to our journey! We were told to arrive at 7.30am but with the hold up it looked like we wouldn’t make it there until after 8.30. I started going into panic mode when Candice suggested that I message our doctor and see if the transfer could be delayed. While I was waiting for a reply, the traffic started moving slowly. Our time of arrival improved and then continued to improve until the traffic cleared all together. During this time our doctor had replied to my message, telling us not to stress and to drive safely, everything was fine. In the end we got there at 7.55am. My stress levels were through the roof though.
We took the elevator up to level 4, I got changed into the gown and went straight into theatre 1 to see our nice doctor waiting. The nurse told me to climb up onto the table and both the nurse and our doctor left for a moment. Candice said something about the room seeming smaller than usual and I started crying. A combination of relief to have made it, mixed with the terror I always feel before the actual transfer and probably a little of the fertility drugs and hormones still in my body.
The scientist came in and gave us the good news that we had a really good embryo to transfer. It was graded a 3AA which is the best we could hope for. She also explained that our 2nd embryo wasn’t doing as well. They would continue growing it and and if it improved, they would freeze it either that afternoon or the next morning. We were told to just call the next day to find out if it was able to be frozen.
Then came the actual transfer. I hate this part and as usual my tilted cervix made the whole procedure long and awful. But she got there in the end and our beautiful embryo was placed in its new home. Hopefully for the next 9 months.
So now we are in the two week wait, or more accurately the 10 day wait. The blood test will be on the 23rd of February and we will probably do a home test either the day before or on the morning of the blood test, just to mentally prepare.
This afternoon I called the doctors office to find out how our other embryo went. She told me that it had made it to blastocyst stage by yesterday afternoon but it was a 3CC grade, which is really poor. They decided to give it a little more time overnight to see if it would improve but by this morning it was all but dead. I feel really sad about that and a whole lot more pressure knowing that this is now officially our last shot.
So if you’re reading this, cross your fingers. We need it and would truly appreciate any positive vibes and luck you have to throw our way.
On Friday morning, Candice called the doctor’s office to find out how many eggs had fertilised overnight. She was told that two out of two eggs had indeed fertilised and were now growing embryos! She then called me, forgetting that I had specifically asked her not to call. The whole reason I didn’t call the doctors office myself was because I knew I would burst into tears and wouldn’t be able to speak if it was bad news. I’ve been in that position before and hated it. I was holding my phone when she called and panicked. I dropped (threw) my phone at the bed and just stood there staring at it as it rang. When it stopped ringing, a text came through from her that just said ‘2/2 fertilised’ with a happy emoticon. The relief washed over me but only really lasted a few seconds until I remembered that the embryos still had 4 days of growing to do. But I thanked the universe and allowed myself to be happy anyway.
Today is Monday morning and we didn’t receive a call over the weekend with bad news so I’m assuming that the 2 embryos are still multiplying and doing their thing. At least we hope so. My stomach drops every time my phone has made a noise but there is now less than 24 hours until the transfer is booked so we just need to get through today and tonight. A few people have asked if we will be transferring 2 embryos if they both make it to 5 days. We won’t be, we plan to only transfer 1 and freeze the other if both happen to make it. Fingers crossed that my next update will be about the actual transfer tomorrow!
Here’s a photo of my big baby, still as beautiful as ever.
We were up before the sun today, showering and getting ready while fighting off the nerves. Oscar’s daycare opened at 6am and the poor kid was the first child there. That’s never happened before but I think he actually liked it as it meant he had everything (including attention) completely to himself. As he dove into a basket of toys, we hugged and kissed him goodbye. One daycare lady in particular is always really complimentary of Candice and myself, and the way we parent. She was there when we dropped him off and just her positivity and lovely words to us about Oscar really helped pick up the sombre mood.
We left and made it to the hospital on time, with minimal traffic. Once I was admitted, Candice was told she could leave and that they would call her 30 minutes prior to me being ready. I got changed into the hospital gown and sat and listened to my stomach rumble loudly, in the waiting room. I realised that I hadn’t eaten since 5.30pm the day before so I was beginning to feel nauseous.
Just before 8am, I was called in to meet with the anaesthetist before heading into the surgery. Everyone is always so warm and friendly when I come to this hospital, I honestly have so much respect for these people. I went in, climbed up onto the bed and the scientist came to speak with me first. Once that was sorted, my doctor came to sit by my side as the anaesthetist placed the needle in my arm. I’m so grateful to have such a kind doctor, she sat there stroking and gently ticking my arm as they placed the mask over my face and I went off to sleep.
When I woke up in recovery, I was told that they got 2 eggs. It wasn’t unexpected at all, I knew that best case scenario was going to be 3 eggs. A few moments later however, a male doctor came up to my bed. He started telling me that he got 3 eggs as he roughly grabbed my arm and began writing ‘3’ on the back of my hand, my wrist and my shoulder. I was still a little groggy and became really confused as I didn’t know who this guy even was. A nurse came running over and told him that I wasn’t his patient. Honestly, what kind of doctor doesn’t even recognise his own patients?! The nurse was apologising for him as she scrubbed the pen off. The emotions got the better of me and I started crying. Once again, the nurses were just so damn warm and friendly.
Candice arrived back in the waiting room and once I was awake enough, I was taken to meet her. It was good to see her face. I was able to come home and go to sleep which was amazing. Sleep is something I never take for granted these days!
Tomorrow morning at 10am, we find out if either eggs have fertilised. I don’t think I want to call, so I’ll see if Candice will do it. Fingers crossed!
On my 34th birthday, Candice and I drove into the city to collect 3 full bags of IVF drugs. Since then I have been injecting daily, hopeful that I would get more eggs than last time. I’ve been having quite a bit of ovary pain, particularly at night when I lay down. It’s very mild and I haven’t been at all worried about it, in fact I thought it may have been a good thing. I didn’t experience any pain during my last IVF cycle when we ended up with 4 eggs so I thought that maybe it meant this time there would be more.
I went for a scan yesterday to check follicle growth but unfortunately my left ovary just hasn’t come to the party. It’s doing absolutely nothing. My right ovary has 3 follicles – 2 are 16mm and 1 is 18mm. The Dr seemed to be about as unimpressed as I was. She explained that usually at this point she would up the dosage of gonal-f but given that I’m already on the maximum dosage, there is nothing else we can do. She then explained our options.
Option 1 was to cancel the cycle. It would mean waiting a minimum 6 weeks before starting the next one and she said she feels there is a good chance that the result would be the same if not worse. Producing only 3 follicles matches up perfectly with my low ovarian reserve so it would be a gamble to cancel and start again.
Option number 2 was to go ahead and schedule an egg collection. She explained that one of the follicles may be empty so we may only end up with 2 eggs. I had pretty decent fertilisation results last time so she is hopeful that even if we do end up with 2-3 eggs, we should get at least one that fertilises. Then we cross everything and hope that it makes it to transfer date. So she said that this option is also a big gamble.
It’s a lot of money to place on such a risk of such an unknown but what else can we do. I feel like this is as good as it’s going to get so we have decided to move ahead with egg retrieval this Thursday. That means I’ll do my trigger injection tonight and then 36 hours later I’ll go into day surgery. I am assuming that if all goes well then transfer date will be the following Monday morning.
It feels so stressful. As hard as I try to relax, my shoulders are so knotted up. I know this isn’t helpful which only makes me feel more tense. I should just be focusing on the idea of a positive outcome from this cycle but I have to confess that I’ve been going further than that. It sounds weird but I have actually started a mental list of all the things we can do if this cycle doesn’t work. The things we can do if I don’t get pregnant. I’m planning a trip to Japan for later this year. I’m planning house renovations. I’m planning private schooling for Oscar. I’m planning big overseas family holidays each year. I’m even planning a half marathon. That’s not to say we couldn’t still do most of these things with a second child, it just means it would be pushed further back. Years and years back. I’m trying as best I can to see the positives of whatever the outcome may be.
But damn, I want this baby so badly.