On my 34th birthday, Candice and I drove into the city to collect 3 full bags of IVF drugs. Since then I have been injecting daily, hopeful that I would get more eggs than last time. I’ve been having quite a bit of ovary pain, particularly at night when I lay down. It’s very mild and I haven’t been at all worried about it, in fact I thought it may have been a good thing. I didn’t experience any pain during my last IVF cycle when we ended up with 4 eggs so I thought that maybe it meant this time there would be more.
I went for a scan yesterday to check follicle growth but unfortunately my left ovary just hasn’t come to the party. It’s doing absolutely nothing. My right ovary has 3 follicles – 2 are 16mm and 1 is 18mm. The Dr seemed to be about as unimpressed as I was. She explained that usually at this point she would up the dosage of gonal-f but given that I’m already on the maximum dosage, there is nothing else we can do. She then explained our options.
Option 1 was to cancel the cycle. It would mean waiting a minimum 6 weeks before starting the next one and she said she feels there is a good chance that the result would be the same if not worse. Producing only 3 follicles matches up perfectly with my low ovarian reserve so it would be a gamble to cancel and start again.
Option number 2 was to go ahead and schedule an egg collection. She explained that one of the follicles may be empty so we may only end up with 2 eggs. I had pretty decent fertilisation results last time so she is hopeful that even if we do end up with 2-3 eggs, we should get at least one that fertilises. Then we cross everything and hope that it makes it to transfer date. So she said that this option is also a big gamble.
It’s a lot of money to place on such a risk of such an unknown but what else can we do. I feel like this is as good as it’s going to get so we have decided to move ahead with egg retrieval this Thursday. That means I’ll do my trigger injection tonight and then 36 hours later I’ll go into day surgery. I am assuming that if all goes well then transfer date will be the following Monday morning.
It feels so stressful. As hard as I try to relax, my shoulders are so knotted up. I know this isn’t helpful which only makes me feel more tense. I should just be focusing on the idea of a positive outcome from this cycle but I have to confess that I’ve been going further than that. It sounds weird but I have actually started a mental list of all the things we can do if this cycle doesn’t work. The things we can do if I don’t get pregnant. I’m planning a trip to Japan for later this year. I’m planning house renovations. I’m planning private schooling for Oscar. I’m planning big overseas family holidays each year. I’m even planning a half marathon. That’s not to say we couldn’t still do most of these things with a second child, it just means it would be pushed further back. Years and years back. I’m trying as best I can to see the positives of whatever the outcome may be.
But damn, I want this baby so badly.