The D word

It’s so exciting when your child starts to speak. Life generally gets a little bit easier once they begin to communicate and a lot of frustration from the parent and child disappears. Oscar has been churning out words for a while now and just recently has begun forming short sentences. I can’t even explain how cute it is to be in another room and hear his little voice call out, “Mummy, where are you? Come back!”. It absolutely melts my heart.

So all of this has been great.

Except for one tiny thing.

About a week or so ago, I was picking Oscar up from daycare. As I walked into the room, there was another parent, picking up his daughter. As he entered the room, I saw Oscar point and turn excitedly to the girl and say, “Daddy!”. I didn’t really have a chance to say anything as he saw me come in behind the man and started yelling out “Mummy! Mummy!” So that was fine, a little awkward but not a big deal. But ever since then, he’s saying it a lot. The next day when I picked him up, we were saying goodbye to one of his carers and he said, “Bye Hannah”. Then a male parent walked past us and he yelled out “Bye, Daddy”. I corrected him, telling Oscar that he was a man, to which Oscar repeated me, saying “Man! Daddy!”

I went home with a weird feeling in my stomach. I couldn’t make sense of my feelings. At this point in the story it seems necessary to mention that this day coincided with the day Trump was elected. So I was already feeling disheartened and fragile. I sat down and had a little think about it and decided to donate a handful of Oscar’s two mum/different families style story books to his daycare room. He spends 5 days a week there and loves story time however all of the books he is exposed to, that have families in them, always have Mummy and Daddy characters. His daycare was thankful for the books and I have requested that these particular ones follow him into the next room when he moves up to the next age group.

Other than that, we’re really just correcting him by telling him that it’s a man when he point one out. So far it’s not really working but it’s only been a couple of days. The other night I was out at dinner with my Mum and sister. My Mum took Oscar to the baby change rooms to check his nappy and as they were walking away he called out “Bye Mummy” and then waved at a random guy sitting at a nearby table and said “Bye Daddy”. I was mortified. I’m not even sure if anyone else noticed but I certainly did. What has surprised me is how I don’t really want to talk about it with people who aren’t same-sex parents just in case they give me that concerned look. The look that says, ‘Hm, maybe you’re really going to screw this kid up by raising him with two mums’.

I have asked Candice how she feels about it, wondering if it was just me overreacting. She’s feels weird about it too, she doesn’t like it at all but can’t really explain why. I mean, it’s just a word and it’s clear that he just thinks that all the men he doesn’t personally know must be called Daddy. He doesn’t call any of the men in his life Daddy, only the strangers. I have to constantly remind myself that he is only TWO. At the rate he learns, by this time next month, he will know to call them ‘a man’. At least I hope so.

I guess it’s just not something that I thought we would have to think about yet. It has also made me start to wonder how we will handle things when he reaches the age of 4 or 5 and throws out that big question of “How come I don’t have a Daddy?”. We have our answers prepared and have spent so much time thinking about it and how Oscar will feel, how to ease his confusion, how to validate his feelings. Something I hadn’t prepared for however, was how it would make Candice and I feel. How we will have to be very careful to not take it to heart. To understand that he is just curious.

Reading back over this I feel like I am definitely over reacting. Perhaps I’m simply looking for reassurance. Has anyone else dealt with something similar when their child was this age? Two seems far too young to really be able to explain it to him. Does it just blow over?

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Baby Nursery

It’s been super fun decorating the nursery but we’ve finally finished! I would still like to add a toy box but haven’t found one I like yet and didn’t want to throw one in there just for the sake of finishing. I have an idea for a simple wooden slat toy box that Candice can build and I can paint but not sure when we will get around to doing that. This blog post is more of a photo share so scroll on down and let us know what you think!

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A close up of the honeycomb shelving inhabitants.

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More honeycomb bits and pieces

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The honeycomb shelving

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This is a mobile I made out of straws, string and spray paint

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Big chunky clock that we bought from Ikea

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We were given a collection of cardboard pop out forest animals and have littered them throughout the room. This bear lives on the lamp table.

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We stocked these Ikea book shelves with lots of wonderful books.

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I made this deer print baby blanket using some fabric that I’d been holding onto for ages.

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Both the change table and cot were given to us as they were no longer needed by my sister’s toddler. They were originally brown but we decided to paint them white and we’re happy with the result.

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Moses basket filled with baby toys

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The change table has been stocked with lots of nappies, wipes and baby bath products.

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The built in mirrored wardrobe has a rainbow coloured dresser inside. It is filled with the most adorable baby clothes.

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Above view of the cot

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Reading corner

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Big star rug that we bought from Masters Hardware.

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Another view of the reading corner

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View from the entry

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View from reading corner

Lovely to meet you

Written by S            

 

Hello, we’re Shauna and Candice. We’ve been together almost 7 years and are getting hitched next week in Queenstown, New Zealand – one of our favourite places. Residing in Queensland, Australia, we have decided to document our path towards starting our family together.

There are a number of same sex parenting blogs, however not a lot talk about the lead up to it all. Maybe our experiences will help others, maybe not. We just look forward to sharing the highs and lows of the rollercoaster ride that we’re about to board.

This is an unfamiliar path and we are really just figuring it out as we go. We are both 29, committed, healthy and ready.

It has been long decided that I will be carrying which I’m more than happy about. Candice can’t really imagine herself pregnant which is a good thing since due to medical reasons she is unable to anyway. However, because of that I do feel a little bit of anxiety about being unable to get pregnant. I work in a laboratory and I’m around a lot of nasty chemicals that can affect fertility and worry a bit that over the last 6 years maybe it’s impacted on my body. Candice jokes about it and says I will be as fertile as a bunny. None of the women in my family have ever had any trouble so fingers crossed I won’t either.

This blog will follow us on our first doctors appointment, choosing a sperm donor, fertility clinic appointments, disappointments and basically the whole pregnancy experience.

Today is Friday. We have booked in to see our local GP on Monday for our very first appointment. I feel a little nervous about it for a few reasons. I don’t love doctor appointments to start with but on top of that, I’m worried about being judged by an unfriendly or homophobic doctor. Due to the fact that I never see a doctor when I get sick, I don’t really have one. When I made the call to the clinic I asked to see one of the female GPs specialising in family planning. As luck would have it, I think our doctor is gay. Now I’m not saying that my gaydar is 100% fool proof. I’ve been wrong many times before but I have a strong feeling she might be. Regardless, she looks super warm & friendly.

So Monday afternoon we are off to see if Dr Lesbian can help us 2 ladies make a baby. Stay tuned.